Bipolar Mind Divine

My mind is a volcano waiting to erupt
It’s lava and ash are the thoughts that fly away freely
Oozing down the the peeks of my brain how this world drives me insane at times
With all the empty headed imbeciles the cycle my life urging me to to attack with my words in spurts of irascibility
My cognizance melts the insanity of their thoughts, for it is mines that reign supreme.
Although my thoughts run out of control at times, the rush and thrill can send chills up the spine of the less divine.
It’s a tight fit allowing the normalcy of what one might desire,
While it’s a wide vision that places my thoughts into mission.
Call me crazy, call me weird, call me aggressive, call me possessive, but never obsessive.
It my unique mind that keep me moving through time.
It’s what draws the strong and vigilant, and exterminates the wasteful and unappreciative.
Who can really handle a mind so divine?

Nanyamka
2016

Missing You

It’s been so long, I’m missing deeply
It’s been so long , I feeling you near me
There are to many melodies that flows through my mind
I hoping you hear me, I scream so loud, can you hear me
Every thought can’t be a song, just like every man can’t  be sensitive
It’s really only you, I long for
It’s only you that I wish for
I see other men and I pick them apart until their no longer them yet pieces of what could be you.
It’s only you I have loved, you that provides my heart with the strength to beat.
Yes, it’s your hand that motivates a spark
Yes, you that possesses the piece of my heart.
It’s been years and my heart knows no other route
It’s been years and Greatest Part Servicing (GPS) me directs my soul to your exact coordinates.
It’s been so long, I’m missing you baby
Although I know you’re no baby, yet all man
Purposeful, loving and tender caring more than most can stand.                                                                                             Fit only for one, this queen missing you lately.

 

By Nanyamka
2017

My Apology to Anthony Jerome Adams 7/2/72

Dear Anthony Jerome Adams,

We were each other’s first love. You were my first true friend and confidant. You wrote me beautiful heartfelt poems and letters. Each word moved me to fall deeper into the love you had for me, and helped me define what true love was like. Although we came from 2 different worlds we were only 2 miles away, and yet found a way to touch each other mentally and physically. My love, although sheer in its expression it was deeply embedded in my heart. Your love was most expressive in your action and the way you tenderly cared for me. You were there to always pick up the pieces I sometimes would shatter into. When we’d fight it was never really a fight it was more about my fears and your courage that scared me. We walked through many fires and always came out unscathed by its disastrous smoke and flames. It was because God saw we needed help, and reached his hand in to save us.

So why am I here apologizing to you publicly? It’s because I have to share my love and admiration for the first man I ever loved and cared for. Although the pain I caused doesn’t even allow you to talk to me. I have to let you know that it was never a lack of love or affection that caused me to walk the path that lead us to the end of our journey as husband and wife. Yet it was my medical fight with depression and manic episodes, better known as bipolar disorder. Yes, I was diagnosis nine years after our divorce, but should have been diagnosis when we went to Kaiser the first time I started having problems with the depression, instead it was misdiagnosed as post pardon depression. I can’t really blame Kaiser for the misdiagnosis, because in 1998 there wasn’t much information about identifying bipolar disorders. I kept having these manic episode, followed by deep depression yearly and no one knew what it was that tormented me. Several neurological test and finally a medication and diagnosis that explained everything from my deep regretful past. This disorder is common with people who have had a childhood like mine. I thought back to the age of 12 as the first manic episode I ever had, triggered by different abuse I experienced.

I deeply apologize for hurting you and me the way I did. You were my closest friend my knight. This illness when undiagnosed destroys everything in its path. My behavior was unchristian like and disrespectful to our marriage bond. I don’t know if you have ever forgiven me, but please I beg for your forgiveness. My apology is for you and your family. The true me would have never done such horrible things to the person I loved most in the world. The true me loved everything about you, the beauty that was you and me, was deeper than any ocean closer than any breath of air. We were deep, and I appreciate everything you taught me. I cherish all our good times and hold them deep in my heart. My regret is the pain you went through and the pain I inflicted upon myself and my small children.

I’m a better woman today. I’m happily married to an awesome man. I have beautiful children. I’m back in my religion, serving God whole souled. I preach God’s word for a living and a house wife, while my husband works a secular job. I still live in Georgia. I’ve made peace with my past mistakes. I’ve been able to apologize to everyone except you. Although I know your are married and have a beautiful family of your own, which you deserve and I respect. I still felt it was important for you to know the truth. I want you to know that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you and praying for your happiness.

I know you are a man with much knowledge and I know you will research for yourself about bipolar disorder type 2. I believe it will explain my every action back during those dark days. Please except my apology and don’t take my apology as an excuse, but it wasn’t the true me. I’m now living a life that is for a gift of God.

Sincerely,

God’s Gift Rewraped